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September 22, 2019
Dear Me,
So today you turn age 49 and start your 50th year of existence. I remember when you thought this age was “old”! This letter covers some questions for you to consider today and throughout your year as you ponder the changes to your midlife self.
Now that you’re a “mid-lifer”, do you feel old now?
I bet some days you do, given all the hormone imbalances your body is adjusting to. They have brought on weight gain, joint pain, sleepless nights (cue exhaustion), anxiety, foggy brain, dry skin, minor hot flashes, and the ability to cry on the spot for no reason at all. But you have worked hard over the last year researching and learning the causes of these issues and solutions that fit you best.
I can see the energy resurfacing and a light at the end of your tunnel of adjustment or, dare I use the word, “change”? Maybe it’s time to become active on that blog you’ve been dabbling with. Tell people the changes you’ve made and how these modifications have helped you. Maybe someone else will get relief from their symptoms or at least not feel so alone while trying to cope.
What are your favorite things about being 49?
I can tell that you are enjoying the independence your 3 boys have now that they are all venturing out to college and careers. You must be very proud. This independence has allowed you and Kevin to travel so much this past year! Being that Kevin joined you and the boys when they were teens/tweens, you and he have never experienced life without the day to day responsibilities of raising children. Now that Alex is off to college, you and Kevin must be learning new things about the life you want to create together.
Because it’s ever-changing this thing called life. You learned that many years ago during your first marriage. Both of you made mistakes, but you grew from them. So midlife is a chance to live life differently than before. When Mike passed away, you learned quickly that life is precious and can be gone in a matter of moments. You realize how important it is to live life to its fullest, to love genuinely, to let go of the situations you cannot control and to make choices that allow you to live your best life. As you tell the boys, “life is determined by the choices that you make”. Which leads me to my next question:
What choices are you making just for you?
That trip to France in October is a good start. The blog too. This side hustle may contribute to your and Kevin’s dream to travel and see the world and to buy investment property as a source of retirement funds. Self-care is another important “just for you” life choice. Taking time to get your nails done, coloring your hair, and the occasional massage are all very important to your mental health and outlook on life. It makes you feel good about yourself. Plain and simple.
Life throws challenges at you all the time so it’s important to not lose sight of you and your health. This is important no matter what age you are, and I’d venture to say you wished you would have listened when people tried to tell you this 25 years ago. Make sure you remind the younger ones around you that you only get one go around, one chance to live your best life. To create a happy, fulfilled life with no regrets. Tell them to always be kind so you won’t look back someday and wish you would have helped someone who needed it or feel bad about how a relationship had ended. To realize life is not easy, but in the end, most things you think matter, really don’t.
What are your goals for your 50th year?
As with every year before this, I’d guess weight loss tops that list. You’ve been overweight your entire life. You came close to reaching your goal in 2010 but a few major, life-altering setbacks took precedence and you lost focus. Or so you thought anyway. 2011 is when you started feeling tired and you knew that something just wasn’t right with your health. The weight started to return, and everything just snowballed.
I’m proud of the way you coped though. Your first marriage was ending and above everything, you put you and your children’s best interest first. This is when you discovered how important happiness is. It’s also when you realized how your choices in life are so important. You made good and bad choices, but you learned from them and moved onward and upward…haha, just like your weight!
When you married Kevin in 2017 before you knew it, nearly all of the 75 pounds that took you years to lose (albeit in an unhealthy manner) were back. But this time was different. The aches and joint pain had you scared. Cue anxiety and sleepless nights. Many nights you went to bed praying you’d wake up the next morning; you thought this was the beginning to the end.
Your PCP referred you to your gynecologist. Wow! Was that a joke! She did confirm your hormone levels indicated perimenopause, but unfortunately her solution was to prescribe sleeping pills. What? Just sleep the years away to get through all these changes? Thankfully, you did not give up. That’s not to say the next gyno you visited was any better. He just handed you a boxed sample and said, “take this and see me in a month”. Hail the internet as you found these little pills were major antidepressants. Again, you did not surrender and kept trying. You started to look at natural remedies and stopped trying to find a one-stop solution. This, such as life, could not be remedied with a single pill.
You searched to find the “why” behind the issues and create a “what” you could do to feel better on your own. You stopped beating yourself up about the weight gain. And so it began. You wanted to be Happy, Healthy, and Wiser.
How? You are making better choices. Your goals are to eat healthier and cleaner, walking, stretching, and taking care of your whole self by practicing mindfulness. You want to travel more and work on the relationships that are dear to you and let the others rest. To develop a better method to prepare for retirement years and be responsible by finishing the estate planning you and Kevin started a year ago. And yes, to lose weight. You felt so good about yourself when you were trimmer. Back then, you had more energy and you know that losing weight will help reduce the aches and pains, as well as other symptoms. You. Are. Midlife. You are wiser by working on and trying (keyword) to let things go that truly do not matter. To quote your aunt, “In the realm of life, ask yourself, does it really matter”? For most of it, no. It does not.
So then, what does matter?
How you treat yourself and others. Be a positive contribution to society as a whole. Don’t allow negative energy a place in your life, it just drains all the goodness. Be honest with yourself and others. Learn from your mistakes. Be present but allow yourself to get lost once from time to time. Find the balance that makes you happy. Live a “mostly” healthful life by eating clean foods and moving your body but eat the damn ice cream sundae and enjoy a lazy day once in a while too! Put the phone down and get outside to see what the world has to offer. Love those dearest to you. You never know what tomorrow may bring.
Happy Birthday my friend. I wish you the best year life has to offer. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Repeat.
